


Say a Little Prayer for the Foxes

by liternee109



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/M, M/M, ill be tagging people as they come up in events discussed, prayers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liternee109/pseuds/liternee109
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This all stems from the idea that Renee's true confident is god. In her prayers she can be completely honest and can work out her thoughts and where she wants her path to go. It followers her prayers during events before and during the books.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say a Little Prayer for the Foxes

**Author's Note:**

> So this branched from Dan's Deleted Voicemails brainstorming when I wanted a way to showcase all the girls because they all are such well developed characters and are awesome in general. I am trying a different style so I hope you like it. 
> 
> All the thanks goes to @dysfuntional-college-roommates for encouraging me to actually start this series and then betaed. I would have been to afraid to attempt it without her. This also would have made a lot less sense without her awesome editing and questioning. Thanks to @thepalmtoptiger for inspiration for the title as well as being the first enabler in my dive down the foxhole rabbit hole. General thanks to the Tumblr peeps who helped me suss this out and let me bounce ideas off of them.
> 
> Credit for these lovely characters and plots all goes to the lovely Nora. Without her books these wouldn't exist.
> 
> I do not have a planned schedule for these as of yet.

Dear God,

  
I am very grateful for the opportunity that I have here. Wymack may seem to be conducting a publicity stunt to many but I can tell it truly is what he wants it to be; not a second chance, not even a third, but the final chance many need after the first and the second etc don’t work out. I have met my team, my new potential family - they see what they want to see. They see my dress, my cross. They don’t even bother to see what’s underneath, at least not many of them. They don’t bother to look me in the eye, they don’t bother to see that I belong here just as much as they do. Maybe, probably, even more. Should I be happy that they think I don’t belong - that I don’t deserve to be here? This is the proof that I have been looking for; that I have changed for the better. Why am I not happier, why am I just frustrated? I have learned the hard way to tell the difference; they don’t see the new me, they don’t see the old me, they just don’t care enough to see any me. They see a cross and they don’t realize that’s not the same.  
This will be a test, but then what isn’t? I don’t need the repeated scriptures and a man standing on a pulpit to know you are here, to know that my belief will get me through. Some find that simplistic. The disinterested eyes that dismissed me; that is truly the simplistic way of thinking, the naive way, not mine. We have only had one practice but then I am the new goalie and even then to them the goalie is tame. They are out there fighting, they are the ones getting bruised, drawing blood, trading blow for blow in between handling the ball. They may run around, but I am the last defense. I am the one waiting patiently to be there when they mess up, when they get bested. The most overlooked but the most needed. To some, saying that would be too prideful - too sinful. What people don’t understand is you need to look at the whole picture; you need to understand where you fit in and what your role is. Appreciating what you bring to something is not prideful but realistic.  
And here I am not even touching on the other freshman, the other new recruits, the other two girls that round out the team. I am still figuring them out, I am holding out my opinions like I pray they hold out theirs. If we don’t all hurt each other irrevocably in our room while smiling and sticking up for each other on the court, if we can get through that, then we will be unstoppable. I am still figuring them out, though - I can’t be too sure of that outcome. I am still figuring everyone out, and that’s not the new me - that’s the tough fighter sitting in the corner biding her time for the right opportunity to strike. But then that’s the challenge to being the new me; to believing in faith; to attempting to be good for you, for myself; to knowing how and when to strike or to hold back. To try and heal and help instead of hurting and striking out. I still need you for that, but I have accepted that I will always need you, and that that is ok because you will always be there supporting me.  
I must be missing home, the first home I’ve ever truly had, to be this wordy, to be this introspective. I called earlier, passed along the needed reassurance that this wasn’t too much for me. That I see myself doing well here, that this is truly what I need. The Foxes may not understand yet, some may never truly understand me, but those who care to look will learn. I am not fully alone here, or I won’t be in due time.  I am not understood yet, I don’t understand myself half the time. I see where I was and I know where I want to be, I wonder if I ever will truly get there, but it is hard. It is a constant process.  
I know you will always be here for me, a listening ear, a structured ritual for when life is threatening to get out of control, an ever present reassurance with things are going well, a light touch to stiffen my spine when needed to guide me. The balance of what I “should do” and what is “expected” of me versus what I need to do versus what I want to be, where my true faith, not someone else’s opinion of faith, will lead me. I can speak freely here, I will not be judged against some written word, against my clothes or the cross I wear. You have accepted me after I was the lowest of low, after I dug myself down further on my own accord. When I decided to start the climb back up. You have been there, even before I realized it. I need to remember that. I will never forget my lows, I will never forget the calling of the weak minded, of how good it feels to not care. How good it feels to know you have power over someone, to know you hold their life in your hands, that you held their life in your hands. I will never truly be past that, but I don’t live there anymore.  
This: PSU, Wymack, the girls, even some of the younger boys, this is where I can see the potential. My knives are still here, in the back of the closet, but even with the ordeal that was today, I did not need them. I can handle these boys, I can get through to these girls. I see the potential here and if I tell myself that enough, then I can see it through. I have my faith, I have you, and I have a home to go back to. You will always be here for when it does work out and for the test of patience it will be to get there. I can speak freely to you, this might not sound as pretty as some, not as structured or as well worded but then I am who I am and you have accepted that. Just because others have not accepted you does not mean they are lost, that they are less. You are what I needed, what I still need, but not all need that.  
Please keep an eye out for the Foxes, all of them have deserved it in their own ways. We are all fighters, trying to move past our pasts. You will be hearing from me soon, and you are always in my thoughts. In my conscience, giving me the resolve to keep my promises. I will not draw a blade on this team, I will not fall on my old habits to carve a path here. I will find my space on the team by other means, by new means, for the new me. I am forever thankful for my faith, and for the nerve you gave me when I needed it. For me being here. I will continue to try and one day I will succeed in being who you expect me to be, who I expect myself to be.

  
Amen.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come ramble about life and the Foxes come be my friend on Tumblr. @amarulasmile


End file.
